Before Inebriety

...kung gaano ka kadalas na laman ng aking isipan.
...kung paano 'di natatapos ang araw na 'di kita napapanaginipan.
...kung bakit bawat minuto, nang bawat oras, at bawat oras, nang bawat araw
ay ikaw ang pinapangarap ko.

hindi naman kita sinisisi, dahil ako mismo, hindi ko rin alam.
hindi ko alam kung paano ipaiintindi sa'yo...
ipaparamdam sa'yo...
ang pinagdadaanan ko, minu-minuto.

parang minsan gusto ko na lang lapitan ka, at sabihin ang lahat ng ito para matapos na.
kaso, duwag ako.
mas masaya na ako na 'di mo alam, kaysa malaman mo.

At, malaman ko na rin... na hindi mo pala gustong malaman.

(ang hirap malasing!) boo!

I guess its what people call a social obligation.

As expected, friends were there, both old and new. Familiar faces, and a couple of new.

The night was pretty uneventful… until I saw you walk in. Our eyes met, but you probably don’t recall. A brief moment of awkwardness, a brief moment of awe, then suddenly I find myself spiraling in this endless web of you – again.

How I wanted to go to the empty space beside you. How I wanted to exchange pleasantries, ask you how you were and how the world was treating you. I wanted to hear your voice. I wanted to be with you. Of course, it didn’t translate into action. I didn’t have the courage… I only had a bottle of beer but how I wish it were a bottle of courage.

The old, the new and the perpetual. So many opportunities but only one choice.

Sometimes it is good to be unattached. You can ‘crush’ all you want. And if your lucky, find out that your crush crushes back.

I should be happy. I should be grateful. But why am I not?

Why does the world feel so numb after you? Why does it seem so gray? So uninteresting and dull?

Why do I always end up comparing, when I know there is no one who can take your place in my heart?

But that is the tragedy of unrequited love. You are presented with other opportunities, but you don’t appreciate them because you are so hung-up. People say you can’t teach your heart whom to love… I ask how do you teach it to stop?

There are so many questions. I have none of the answers… and even if I did, I’m not sure if it would make me feel better.

In the end, I decide to forget.

At least I’m trying to.

She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
And she can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe
And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free
Yeah, she steals like a thief
but she's always a woman to me

Oh, she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind
And she'll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me

Oh, she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
But she can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
And she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me

-------o--------

ang lupet nang mga girls!!!

What:
BugAys team practice.
We’ll be playing the barristers led by Tecs and JA.
When:
Friday, July 21, 2006 (8:00 pm)
Where:
TENT bball court

*after the game, Karl Malone will lecture on toughness and physical play

kitakits!

He who foretells the future lies, even if he tells the truth.
-Arab proverb

It is not that I didn't know what I wanted. I just didn't know how it would be. And for some reason, I didn't want to lie to you.

Yes, I could have sweet-talked my way out of it just like I have done so in the past. But no, I didn't want to lie. Not this time. I wanted to do it right.