Before Inebriety

I guess its what people call a social obligation.

As expected, friends were there, both old and new. Familiar faces, and a couple of new.

The night was pretty uneventful… until I saw you walk in. Our eyes met, but you probably don’t recall. A brief moment of awkwardness, a brief moment of awe, then suddenly I find myself spiraling in this endless web of you – again.

How I wanted to go to the empty space beside you. How I wanted to exchange pleasantries, ask you how you were and how the world was treating you. I wanted to hear your voice. I wanted to be with you. Of course, it didn’t translate into action. I didn’t have the courage… I only had a bottle of beer but how I wish it were a bottle of courage.

The old, the new and the perpetual. So many opportunities but only one choice.

Sometimes it is good to be unattached. You can ‘crush’ all you want. And if your lucky, find out that your crush crushes back.

I should be happy. I should be grateful. But why am I not?

Why does the world feel so numb after you? Why does it seem so gray? So uninteresting and dull?

Why do I always end up comparing, when I know there is no one who can take your place in my heart?

But that is the tragedy of unrequited love. You are presented with other opportunities, but you don’t appreciate them because you are so hung-up. People say you can’t teach your heart whom to love… I ask how do you teach it to stop?

There are so many questions. I have none of the answers… and even if I did, I’m not sure if it would make me feel better.

In the end, I decide to forget.

At least I’m trying to.