Before Inebriety

Ave, I've known you for 3 freaking years and I just can’t believe that the nerdy-bastos-toughie person in you is actually capable of writing something like this.

Darling, bading ka nga! But I envy you (salute even) for such honesty and courage.

That makes me more bading.

naku di ka na anonymous cuz someone identified you.

Grabe bilib na ako sa ka-martyran mo. Di ko kaya ang drama ng seemingly unrequited love.

Tao ka pala talga. =)

Masarap ba yung cheesecake? Did she appreciate it? Does she know what you do for her? The shit that you have to go through?

Malamang hindi. Pero totoo nga. Beneath that proud exterior lies the heart of a hopeless romantic! Haha!

UNREQUITED...
thanks thea :-) ang sweet mo talaga maglambing!
hehe!

maglambing? sige na nga pwede na rin. salamat.

My my, what passion, intensity and vulnerability you've displayed in so short a note for this special woman who hasn't (and I daresay, will never?) leave your heart.

I've known you for only a brief period of time, and yet, the familiarity in terms of experience and pain is so striking that I feel compelled to write a 'comment' which I only hope will help you along this path of healing and self-discovery. Here it goes amigo....

Never ever be ashamed of falling in love, of being hurt by love, and of being taken for granted by love. What you should guard yourself from is to be taken for a fool by love. I'm not saying that you're a fool...but seriously, this begs the question - aren't we all, who were stricken at least at one point in our lives by love, fools? Haven't we done the stupidest and unimaginable things all for the sake of love and thought to ourselves (at that moment) that it was worth it? Yes, even when the love that we do it for is unrequited...Ouch!

So how can one guard himself from being taken for a fool by love? When, my broken friend, one does not learn from every experience of love and makes the same old mistakes. When one deprives himself (or herself) from the rest of the world because he or she is afraid of love or desperately clinging to or running away from any residues of a past love or heartbreak. As individuals placed here on this earth with freedom of will and intellect, even we should be wise enough to acknowledge when enough is enough and when it's time to move on, otherwise we miss the train on this journey we call 'life.'

This act of blogging your emotions and writing ever so passionately about this wonderful woman who just can't seem to be evicted from your lonely heart only shows your true capacity to love and to courageously deal with the pain you suffer. This world needs more men who wear their hearts on their sleeves, rather than wave their dicks and egos around as if it's a true show of manhood. I'm sorry, but in this day and age, that charade just doesn't cut it, neither is it in the least bit impressive.

So what advice can I give you? Simple, just like everything else you experience in life, take whatever you can from it, suffer through it, learn from it, grow in it and use these lessons to do better in the future only because you know better (and should know better). But never (NEVER!), deprive yourself from experiencing new things, new loves or new adventures all for the sake of preserving your so-called never-ending love. If you do, then I'm sorry, you have marked yourself as a fool. Harsh? Well, I've never made it a habit of sugar-coating things. Sometimes we all need a sharp dose of the harshness of reality if only to snap us back into living in the real world.

Ms. Cheesecake will always be in your heart, that is a given...she will always be special. I'm not telling you to deny her or your love for her. What I'm saying is move on. You're special as well, too special in fact to deny yourself or your emotions from the rest of the world. That's the problem with love most of the time, we forget and neglect ourselves. We allow ourselves to be bruised and battered, to be scarred, but unfortunately, we never allow ourselves to proudly wear these scars as a true testatment of our strength. The first step you should take (if you choose to take it) is to accept that this woman is indeed a 'PAST love;' to accept that the experience of this love is no longer a raw wound but a permanent scar which you should treat as a constant reminder to do better, only because you know better.

I believe I've said enough. I hope it sinks in. I leave you now with the words of my favorite author from his book aptly entitled "Zahir."

Incidentally, "zahir" in arabic means something visible, present and incapbale of going unnoticed. It is something (or someone) which, once we come into contact with it (or them) gradually occupies our every thought, until we can think of nothing else. It connotes a sort of obsession - which may lead either to a state of holiness or of madness.

So which is it for you? Holiness or madness? You be the judge, here is the passage I lifted:

"...That is why it is important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don't expect to get anything back, don't expect recognition for your efforts, don't expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability, or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are."

I recall telling you once (unfortunately when you were in a state of inebriety) to let go of all things in your life that simply no longer fit. You replied, "and what makes you think that SHE no longer fits into my life?" You probably don't remember only because you were drunk, but I walked away and shouted back, "only you can answer that."

How can you tell if something (or someone) no longer fits in your life, or should no longer fit? Well, if you're not growing as an individual and are constantly unhappy with a situation, change it and get rid of whatever obstacle stands in your way. Unrequited love is a one-way street without a soul in sight whose hand you can hold, so change your direction and enter another road. Learn to realize when enough is enough. Accept your suffering and move on so that you can grow from it. Acknowledge that when the cards were dealt with Ms. Cheesecake, you got a bad hand my friend. But never refuse to have another game dealt with you as one of the key participants. There may be different players, with different risks and odds at victory. But hey, isn't that what life's about?

So take the plunge, there will always be people and friends around who care for you to catch you whenever you fall or to listen to you in those rare moments you just need to talk. Have faith in humanity and in love (the greatest emotion God has given us the privilege of experiencing again..and again..and again if we choose to). Remember, as Dumbledore once told Harry, it is the choices we make that define who we are. So "A" (and that goes for you too "J"), make the choice and take the plunge. In the end of the day, no one will be the wiser but you and you alone.

Hasta luego.
Cheers!

that comment hit me hard too. I'll also keep all those words of wisdom in mind.

thanks, aims.

appreciate the comment. don't worry, i think i'm about to take the plunge...as in totoo na!

And when i do, m gonna need drinking buddies for a while. volunteer ha :p

take the plunge? naku! iba na talaga to si Mr. Cheesecake!?! Nilalagnat ka yata tol! haha

Pero when it comes to volunteering for inuman - I'm your man!!! Walang iwanan!!! Walang atrasan!!! Ito ang tama!!! WHAPAK!!!

Hey Cheesecake, this time i only have a few words to say (well, fewer than my usual):

1. Good for you that you are finally going to take the plunge! Take your time though, things like these need not be rushed. Rather than concentrating on 'taking the plunge' so to speak, focus on 'completing the circle.' In other words, you be the one to carve out the ending to your sad love story. Never leave it open-ended because it will fester inside of you like a gaping gash that just refuses to heal. Never forget, when God closes the door, somehow He opens a window. Just the same, when someone leaves your life, that only means that someone new will enter it. And I'm sure you know the value of making people feel welcomed right?

2. Remember you said that everything that I wrote is stuff you already know; it's just that you're not sure whether you have the will to do it? Well, alam mo na pala na this is what you have to do. Whether or not you have the will to do it is beside the point only because as you grow older (yes, you are still young my friend) you will realize that there are certain things you just have to do whether or not you wanna do them. That is where maturity and a sense of responsibility for others, your surroundings and for yourself comes in. When you step beyond what you perceive as your personal boundaries in order to do what you know is for the best (for yourself and for others), this is what separates the men from the boys, the women from the girls, and exposes those who just pretend to possess a sense of maturity and wisdom.

3. Need a drinking buddy? Hey, I lent an ear to tipsy during his times of despair. Minsan naman talaga you guys just need a chick to talk to so that you have a chance to really emote and not be conscious about any outward machismo crap. You have my number...for those I consider my friends, I'm just a text away.

4. I'm not really a blogger, though my comments always turn out to sound like blogs. What the fuck is a blog anyhow??? I only comment when I think that I can lend some words of wisdom, or perhaps slap someone to seeing things in another light.

5. Remember when I said have faith in humanity and in love? Well, rest assured your friends will be around provided we are blessed off course by our patron saint. But I'd like to add, have faith in yourself as well Cheesey...in your capacity to love, in your resilience and in your own personal strength to face all odds and to never let them tear or bring you down. Approach all adversity with the confidence that you will triumph over it. It all boils down to mind over matter.

I wish you the very best of luck!