Before Inebriety

Rock out with yo cock out!

2008-10-12T01:18:00.001-07:00

Smile. Life is still beautiful.

Tama na yan. Inuman na!

-Tipsy

There she goes again... Here we go again.

2008-03-13T23:52:00.000-07:00

Oh no.

2007-04-18T11:13:00.000-07:00

you screwed up meredith

Dispensable

2007-02-20T17:54:00.000-08:00

Dispensable...

Not necessary

Not essential

Not needed

Superfluous

Expendable

Surplus to what is required

Capable of being done without...

Questions with No Answers

2007-01-17T13:22:00.000-08:00

Do you even know me? How I feel? Where I came from? What it took for me to be here?

Why?

Why do you hurt me with your casual lies? Your mocking laugh? Your scorning words? Your cold looks? Your twisted ways? Your uncertainties? Your mixed signals?

What else is there? After I have given all that I can and more, what else is there?

When You're Not Here

2007-01-01T08:01:00.000-08:00

When you are not here...

I think of you too much.

I am missing you even more.

I see you wherever I go.

I think I hear your voice somewhere.

I dream of you.

I long for you.

I wait for you.

I despair.

I...

Nevermind. You're not here anyway, so there's no way you could possibly understand how much of a wreck I am when you're not here.

I know I hurt you so... But now I promise you my heart...

2006-12-25T15:30:00.000-08:00

Let me in
With the flowers
Don't bring me down
I'm on the ground
Let me in
You got the power
To kill the pain
I'm feelin' deep within

Last night I hurt you so
But 'till the mornin' sun grow cold and rivers flow
I promise you my heart
And we can make love grow
Until the moon up high deserts the sky
I know
You'll never face a broken heart
No doubt about it
I wanna win
You back again

Let me in
Your darkest hour
Just take my hand
And try to understand
I know I hurt you so
And till the seas run dry I'll worship you and more
I promise you my heart
Now we can make love grow
Until the lovers cease to dream and have no heart
My lovely lady we'll never part

Now we can dance upon the sweetest love refrain
You're my tomorrow and you're my today
Now only you can show the way
Yhrough fire and rain I'm feelin' pain so much
You're such a part of me I want you back
hey! It's good to see you again

No doubt about it
I wanna win
you back again

Let me in
To feel the fire
Let love unfold
My body's wet and cold
I'll never let you go
Until the sand rolls in the desert
Day by day
I promise you my heart
And we can make love grow
Until the day no longer turn the night away
My lovely lady in love I'll stay

Hey! Babe
Lead me through the colors of your rainbow now
You gotta understand
You got this shadow hangin' over me
I'm not the man I used to be oh! No
my destiny is in your hands
I know your heart is sad and blue
I'm lonely too
So what's the use it's no excuse oh! No
You got a winnin' hand
So honey come on
Let Me In....

Let Me In - Mike Francis

Christmas Mornings...

2006-12-24T21:30:00.001-08:00

"When I woke up this Christmas morning,
I did not think of the presents, nor the food, nor anything else...
but you. You are my Christmas morning."

"What is it with early mornings that make you say strange things?"

"There is clarity in the morning.
My mind and heart are refreshed from sweet slumber
and dreams of you...
You know when you're in love when reality is finally better than your dreams.
That is what you do to me.
You make life beautiful."

Merry Christmas baby.
Dec. 25, 2006

All I Want For Christmas

2006-12-21T18:04:00.000-08:00

I don’t want a lot for Christmas

There is just one thing I need
I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is you

I don’t want a lot for Christmas there is just one thing I need
And I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree
I don’t need to hang my stocking way above the fireplace
Santa Clause won't make me happy with a toy on Christmas day
And I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Oh baby all I want for Christmas is you, you baby

I wont ask for much this Christmas
I wont even wish oh I wont even wish. I wont even wish for snow.
I’m just gonna keep on waiting underneath the mistletoe
I wont make a list and send it to the North Pole for St Nick
Wont even stay awake to hear the magic reindeer play

Cause I just want you here tonight,
Holdin on to me so tight
What more can I do
Oh baby all I want for Christmas is you, oh baby
Oh our lives are shinin surrounding everywhere
Where the sounds of children’s laughter fills the air
And everyone is singin' oh I hear those sleigh bells ringin'
Santa wont you bring me the one I really need
Wont you bring back my baby to me

Oh I don’t want a lot for Christmas
This is all I’m askin for
I just want to see my baby standing right outside my door
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you, you, its you, you, oh baby
All I want is you
All I want is you
All I want is you
All I want is you
You, you, you, you, you

Endless Waltz (Part 2)

2006-12-21T10:16:00.000-08:00

And so begins our new dance... we've been dancing to this song for years now... we've had our stops, brief moments of pause, pro-longed silence, and all other issues that we can bear... but here we find ourselves again... playing the same old game but to an entirely different sound...

The truth of the matter is, I have always loved dancing with you... holding your hand, looking into your eyes and whispering into your ear... I had to let you go before, you also let me go... we changed partners... but time is funny sometimes... and I find myself dancing with you again... this time around, it's going to change...

this time around, i'm not letting you go...

there are others who try and ask if they may cut in on our sweet waltz, but i must politely refuse... no... i am not letting you go... i will finish this dance...

no... that is not what i meant... i meant i will not dance with anyone else but you... and this time around i have learned my lesson... i have learned... don't worry, i won't step on your toes... and i'll catch you when you dive... you won't be hurt in this dance... you won't lose your step... i'll make sure to catch you... to lead you... make sure that you will smile and laugh while you move to the rhythm of my heart...

i don't want to dance with anyone else but you... i can only dance with you... i only want to dance with you...

believe me... i'm much better now... trust me... i'm ready now... choose me... i'm here now... love me... i'm real now.

3 A.M.

2006-12-05T11:07:00.000-08:00

"and with a kiss, i die."
-Romeo-

Reflections of a Senior Lost Student

2006-12-03T21:14:00.000-08:00

Hello blogger fans... Sorry for the long repreive... I have been busy studying/partying, but I'm back so kiss kiss hug hug now read on... :)

... A few weeks ago I enrolled in hopefully my last semester in law school. In my enrolment receipt, I couldn't help but notice a miscellaneous item - GRADUATION FEE. Holy shit... this is it. I just paid for my diploma, grad pics, yearbook and all the little farewell items from school... after 8 grueling semesters, 1-hour coffee breaks, hardcore exams, drunken nights after such exams, more drunken nights, broken hearts, endless nights of suspense before grades are released, and ofcourse the odyssey of the thesis - i am so close to the finish line i can see it at the horizon...

God I'm gonna miss it but God damn... can't wait to be rid of it also... paradox of life.

Graduation Fee... is this a contract? is it an assurance? can I sue if not my diploma is not delivered? I would like to think so... after all, I have 7 semesters of failure-free law school life under my belt... no reason why I shouldn't hurdle this last and final stretch... Graduation Fee... A price I am oh so willing to pay... its like passport to heaven baby! the light at the end of the tunnel... the state of enlightenment... being one with the universe... Graduation Fee I love thee!

Just a few more months... then the BAR, a part of life that deserves its own chapter... for now... I'll settle with graduation. :)

Time to have a beer.

IF

2006-10-12T00:38:00.000-07:00

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

from my TRO yahoogroup

2006-10-09T05:32:00.000-07:00

you know you love someone when you can spend the entire night just sitting by the fire, watching them sleep... (Dawson's Creek)

tipsy: so true. ako nga walang fire eh, sa dilim lang.
d: ang baduy mo!

Vanity is Disaar

2006-10-09T00:22:00.000-07:00

Lose 3 centimeters in 3 days!!!

DISAAR

HOT

LONG

Contains:

22% chili ext.

22% ginger ext.

10% herbal ext.

15% lanolin oil

5% cetyl alcohol

TOTAL = 74% (heh?)

It’s definitely GOYO! The girl in the photo probably doesn’t even know that her picture is on this product. The percentages don’t even add up. Yet, girls still buy it in the sheer desperation of looking good without exerting effort.

Aack! All in the name of vanity. Sayang sa pera.

X: Pero 100ish lang siya. And it’s all natural anyway. No harm done. If it doesn’t work, eh di fine. If it does, eh di ok! Cheh. Pera ko ‘to!

TIPSY: You’re not gonna lose 3 cm in 3 days, unless you eat the whole tube of DISAAR and get hospitalized. Boo!

dahleng's pearl (necklace) of wisdom :-)

2006-10-02T21:36:00.000-07:00

dahleng: hindi n'ya kasalanan na pinili mong maging importante s'ya sa buhay mo. hindi mo kasalanan ang maging masaya dahil sa mga bagay na ginagawa mo para sa kanya. pero malaking kasalanan yung umasa na sana isang araw maging importante ka rin sa buhay n'ya.
tipsy: huh?!
dahleng: kung hindi ka n'ya priority, e hindi ka n'ya talaga priority. wala ka ng magagawa!

Gumabon J.D.

2006-08-28T11:36:00.000-07:00

There was no way this guy would fumble in his thesis defense. He was just too confident about his work, his gift of gab, and by the fact that he is himself. In fact, he was confident enough to wear a solid red shirt and pink tie under his coat (to distract the panelists, I think). :-p

Facing Sabio, Elicano and Chan-Gonzaga (a 'revisionist' trio), gummibears endured 40 minutes of questioning to earn his juris doctor. He was, thereafter, called back into the room to be informed that his thesis, with a few modifications, could very well be a master's thesis.

Like the evolution of man, Gumabon's J.D. was inevitable. It was never a condition, but merely a term.

Doctor Gumabon, congratulations! (pero fucker ka! mejo nakaka-pressure ang defense mo)

P.S. You are invited to Gumab's J.D. party at Good Earth on Friday. Atty. Robles will be bringing lechon. :) Inuman na!

Song of The Month

2006-08-28T11:29:00.000-07:00

I was set on posting Rivermaya's Kisap-mata as Tipsy's song of the month, until I heard the Wreckers' 'Leave the Pieces' on my way to school. Sapul eh!

Leave The Pieces
The Wreckers

You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair
You know you just keep me hanging 'round
You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't wanna see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown

And it's alright, yeah, I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just, take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

Now you can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with and just let me move on
Don't concern yourself with this mess you left for me
I can clean it up you see
Just as long as you're gone

And it's alright, yeah, I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just, take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

You're not making up your mind
It's killin' me
You're wasting time
I need so much more than that

Leave the pieces when you go
Leave the pieces when you go

Wreck of the Day

2006-08-12T10:02:00.000-07:00

Driving away from the wreck of the day
And the light's always red in the rear view
Desperately close to a coffin of hope
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you

If this is giving up, then I'm giving up
Giving up on love

Driving away from the wreck of the day
And I'm thinking 'bout calling on Jesus'
Cause love doesn't hurt so I know I'm not falling in love
I'm just falling to pieces

If this is giving up, then I'm giving up
Giving up on love

And maybe I'm not up for being a victim of love
When all my resistance will never be distance enough

So I'm giving up
I'm giving up on love...

2006-08-10T00:38:00.000-07:00

An apple a day is too expensive.
An apple a day makes seven apples a week.(really expensive).
Unless, its a donation inter vivos!

The Law on Love as a Negotiable Instrument

2006-08-09T10:26:00.000-07:00

Sec 1. Love is a negotiable instrument when it conforms to the following requirements:

1. It is written in the heart and signed by the maker;

2. Must contain an unconditional promise of affection that will certainly involve effort and money;

3. Must be reciprocable on demand or at a fixed or determinable future time;

4. Must be reciprocable to bearer;

5. Must be addressed to a holder who must be named or otherwise indicated with reasonable certainty.

Sec 2. An unqualified promise of affection is unconditional though coupled with a statement of the transaction which gives rise to the instrument.

Sec 3. Holder of a Heart in Due Course -

A holder of a heart in due course is a holder who has taken the heart under the following conditions:

1. that it is complete and regular on its face;

2. that she became the holder of it before it was broken;

3. that she took it in good faith and for value;

4. that at the time it was negotiated to her, she had no notice of any infirmity in the instrument or defect in the title of the person negotiating it.

The Things You Asked...

2006-08-02T10:46:00.000-07:00

Tipsy, bakit mo pinapahirapan sarili mo?

My dear... everything in life that was of great value always came at a price. You're worth it.

Tipsy, bakit mo ako ginugulo?

I don't mean to... but I'd rather you hate me than you forget about me... But I'd rather you just be with me.

Tipsy, why is history repeating itself?

Maybe because we're just delaying the inevitable thus we find ourselves right back where we started. Maybe because we should have taken a different path from what we chose. Maybe because there's something really there that is 'undeniable' and fate wants us to find it. Maybe because I love history. Maybe because we never learn... Maybe we finally need to learn it this time. :)

'di mo lang alam

2006-07-28T13:10:00.000-07:00

...kung gaano ka kadalas na laman ng aking isipan.
...kung paano 'di natatapos ang araw na 'di kita napapanaginipan.
...kung bakit bawat minuto, nang bawat oras, at bawat oras, nang bawat araw
ay ikaw ang pinapangarap ko.

hindi naman kita sinisisi, dahil ako mismo, hindi ko rin alam.
hindi ko alam kung paano ipaiintindi sa'yo...
ipaparamdam sa'yo...
ang pinagdadaanan ko, minu-minuto.

parang minsan gusto ko na lang lapitan ka, at sabihin ang lahat ng ito para matapos na.
kaso, duwag ako.
mas masaya na ako na 'di mo alam, kaysa malaman mo.

At, malaman ko na rin... na hindi mo pala gustong malaman.

(ang hirap malasing!) boo!

Depensang Jaworski

2006-07-26T12:24:00.000-07:00

Position
Guard
Height
6 ft 1 in (1.85 m)
Weight
3BD
Team
Toyota Super Corollas, Ginebra San Miguel
Awards
1-time PBA MVP (1978)

2006-07-18T02:01:00.000-07:00

I guess its what people call a social obligation.

As expected, friends were there, both old and new. Familiar faces, and a couple of new.

The night was pretty uneventful… until I saw you walk in. Our eyes met, but you probably don’t recall. A brief moment of awkwardness, a brief moment of awe, then suddenly I find myself spiraling in this endless web of you – again.

How I wanted to go to the empty space beside you. How I wanted to exchange pleasantries, ask you how you were and how the world was treating you. I wanted to hear your voice. I wanted to be with you. Of course, it didn’t translate into action. I didn’t have the courage… I only had a bottle of beer but how I wish it were a bottle of courage.

The old, the new and the perpetual. So many opportunities but only one choice.

Sometimes it is good to be unattached. You can ‘crush’ all you want. And if your lucky, find out that your crush crushes back.

I should be happy. I should be grateful. But why am I not?

Why does the world feel so numb after you? Why does it seem so gray? So uninteresting and dull?

Why do I always end up comparing, when I know there is no one who can take your place in my heart?

But that is the tragedy of unrequited love. You are presented with other opportunities, but you don’t appreciate them because you are so hung-up. People say you can’t teach your heart whom to love… I ask how do you teach it to stop?

There are so many questions. I have none of the answers… and even if I did, I’m not sure if it would make me feel better.

In the end, I decide to forget.

At least I’m trying to.

Tipsy's Song of The Month

2006-07-17T22:04:00.004-07:00

She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
And she can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe
And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free
Yeah, she steals like a thief
but she's always a woman to me

Oh, she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind
And she'll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me

Oh, she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
But she can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
And she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me

-------o--------

ang lupet nang mga girls!!!

Before Inebriety Bulletin

2006-07-16T02:44:00.000-07:00

What:
BugAys team practice.
We’ll be playing the barristers led by Tecs and JA.
When:
Friday, July 21, 2006 (8:00 pm)
Where:
TENT bball court

*after the game, Karl Malone will lecture on toughness and physical play

kitakits!

Things Left Unsaid...

2006-07-13T23:11:00.000-07:00

He who foretells the future lies, even if he tells the truth.
-Arab proverb

It is not that I didn't know what I wanted. I just didn't know how it would be. And for some reason, I didn't want to lie to you.

Yes, I could have sweet-talked my way out of it just like I have done so in the past. But no, I didn't want to lie. Not this time. I wanted to do it right.

Will the real Ave Tolentino please stand up!?!

2006-06-28T23:38:00.000-07:00

Today I just revived my friendster account. When adding my friends, I came upon two AVE Tolentinos!!! Can you believe it!?! 1 Ave is enough for this world!!! So can the real Ave Tolentino please stand up!?!

Meet Ave Tolentino. Graduate of St. Joseph's College (I honestly don't know where the hell that is), in Psychology. She currently works in the American Eye Center and is a fan of all of Dan Brown's books. Her friends say that she is 'mabait.'

Meet Ave Tolentino. Graduated Magna Cum Laude University of the Philippines-Manila and is currently enrolled in Ateneo Law. Is fond of law books and green jokes. His friends say he's 'bastos.'

So ladies and gentlemen; it is a fundamental law of thermodynamics that matter can only occupy one space at one time. Is the world ready for 2 Ave Tolentinos??? May God have mercy on us all!!!

Before Inebriety Doctrine # 1

2006-06-28T22:14:00.000-07:00

After a few rounds of sanmig light, we have come to an epiphany... These series of epiphanies shall now be known as...

"Before Inebriety Doctrines"

The first doctrine:

ANG BABAE AY PARANG GITARA...
HINDI ITO TUTUNOG KUNG HINDI MO KAKAMAYIN.

(disclaimer: its not necessarily bastos. ikaw lang ang bastos mag-isip!)

Kryptonite

2006-06-28T22:09:00.000-07:00

Its Superman season again boys and girls… and this got me thinking lately…

With all his strengths and inherent invulnerability, Superman is still highly allergic to kryptonite… the only thing in the universe that can stop the man of steel and bring him down to his knees…

I kinda know what the big guy feels… there are days when I feel invincible but then there are days when life is shit… and its even shittier when I have a glimpse of my kryptonite…

you think you know that you’ve put up all your walls again but then there’s always that chip in that wall that a little kryptonite can break it all down…

Superman never got over his kryptonite… it always made him weak… he never became immune… he’s strong when it’s not around, but once it’s near – he’s down on the floor, on his knees…

Am I the same way with you? … must I come crashing down on the floor every time you’re near?… will my knees always be so weak whenever you’re around?

Tang ina. Tama na to…

camera trick (?)

2006-06-17T10:01:00.000-07:00

darleng's bday bash 5/26/06

Tipsy A's press release

2006-06-14T11:15:00.000-07:00

I didn't say 'I Love You' to hear it back,
I said it to make sure you knew i meant it.

2006-06-13T12:06:00.000-07:00

june 14, 2006

TOP 100 CHUCK NORRIS FACTS

2006-06-08T19:52:00.000-07:00

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Jawbreakers were originally in the shape of Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them to the site because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.

It is impossible to be raped by Chuck Norris because that would mean you did not want it to happen.

Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Chuck Norris crossed the road. Nobody has ever dared question his motives.

They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to.

Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

Jeeves asks Chuck Norris.

When driving in his SUV, Chuck Norris always swerves out of the way if a squirrel is in the road. Not because he finds their antics amusing, but because it gives him a chance to run over pedestrians.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Chuck Norris has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.

Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it.

Chuck Norris has only one hand: the upper hand.

The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex, because they are doing the same thing.

Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.

One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politely signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.

At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Chuck Norris so he can scare the shit out of them.

Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."

Chuck Norris ends every relationship with "It's not me, it's you".

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.

Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.

We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.

Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.

In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once went on Celebrity Jeopardy and answered, "Who is Chuck Norris?" to every question. It was the first and only time in Jeopardy history that a contestant answered every single question right.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris realized that if you change the "d" in "wand" to a "g", the Harry Potter books become a whole lot more interesting.

As a child, Chuck Norris played Hungry Hungry Hippos with real hippos.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.

The phrase "Made by Chuck Norris" is imprinted beneath the surface of China.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris.

If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris.

Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "WWCND?"

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the fuck off.

Chuck Norris once survived a suicide bombing. He was the bomber.

The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!".

Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured out what side Chuck Norris is on yet.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris only uses one chopstick.

Chuck Norris got in touch with his feminine side, and promptly got her pregnant.

The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide.

Objects in Chuck Norris's rear-view mirror appear at their correct distances.

Chuck Norris doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from Chuck.

Chuck Norris once killed 5 people in less than a second. The only thing he said after this incident was, "Damn it, when Chuck Norris doesn't want Girl Scout cookies, Chuck Norris doesn't want Girl Scout cookies."

When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.

Chuck Norris was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.

Chuck Norris' sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman.

The only reason the Energizer Bunny keeps going and going is because it knows Chuck Norris is after it.

Chuck Norris always gets blackjack. Even when he's playing poker.

Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.

If you try to introduce your mother to Chuck Norris, she'll introduce you to your biological father.

When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.

Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.

Chuck Norris doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.

from http://4Q.cc

Sobrang Godfather na 'yan, Bro.

2006-06-06T13:22:00.000-07:00

What's with all the ORANGES?
Consider these:

The Godfather

The first time we see Sal, he tosses himself an orange at Connie's wedding. He later betrays Michael... Bye bye!

There are oranges around when Sollozzo enters the Don's office for the meeting. Dead man!

Right before he was shot, Don Corleone bought 2 oranges! Oh, man... an omen!
And as he topples to the street, the Don upsets a basket of oranges into the street!

At the commission meeting of the Five Families, bowls of oranges are placed in front of the Don, Philip Tattaglia and Barzini. Ciao!

What does Don Vito have in his mouth moments before he dies? An orange!

The Godfather, Part II

Johnny Ola gives Michael a gift from Roth: An orange!

After Vito gives Fanucci $100, Fanucci picks up an orange from a fruit cart! Bang! Bang! Bang!

The Godfather, Part III

Although orange juice alleviates Michael's diabetic symptoms...
...an orange drops from Michael's hand as he dies. R.I.P.!

*sabi ng friend ko, 'heto daw ang ibig sabihin 'nun
Classic! pinilit pa rin si Godfather!

2006-05-24T12:21:00.000-07:00

Why do we always hurt the ones we love?

How I wish I could take back all the hurtful things I've said and/or done (left unsaid and/or undone).

candy

2006-05-22T09:48:00.000-07:00

"it is easy to say how we love new friends, and what we think of them, but words can never trace out all the fibers that knit us to the old."

enjoyed the exchange... see you soon

Men's Rules

2006-05-22T03:17:00.000-07:00

from an email but it basically has everything we want to say.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it
down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to
almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help
solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a
problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible
in an argument.

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7
Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls,don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two
ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we
meant the other one .

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.

1. Whenever possible , Please say whatever you
have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions
and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to,Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear IS fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless
you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball,
the shotgun formation,or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's
like camping.

Letter to No One...

2006-05-21T01:07:00.000-07:00

Dearest ________,

It’s 2:14 a.m. and here I find myself thinking of you. Yes, thinking of you. It’s actually been a while since I last thought of you. It has been months in fact. And yet, all of a sudden here I am again. I saw you yesterday. You may not believe it but I tried my hardest to restrain myself from asking you how you were.

I thought I’d be over you but I am not. Seeing you for the first time in months has opened a floodgate of memories. Some of pain, but yet some undeniably, of happiness,

I miss you. I miss our senseless conversations. I miss the silence we share when you’re doing your job and I can’t help but stare at you. I miss the way you would just smile at me. I miss making you laugh and how you would cry because of such. I miss the way you would ask me whether I watched the latest episodes of your favorite soap opera when you know that it’s such a silly thing to ask a guy. I miss our dinners and your bottomless vegetable kare-kare. I miss watching movies with you and how you would raise an eyebrow on me because I would over-analyze the movie. I miss dancing with you. I miss holding your hand. I miss me without you… I miss you. Don’t you get it? I just miss you.

I thought I had moved on. That I had forgotten you. You hurt me. You hurt me so much I didn’t know what else to do. You left me on my knees that I had to crawl away so you wouldn’t see me. I had to pick the pieces of my broken heart on the floor. I had to pick the biggest of the pieces to try to make me whole again. Bu I couldn’t pick everything. Right now, many pieces are still missing.

I thought the distance and time would be enough to cure me. But then I saw you and in that instant everything just came rushing back. I saw you at the edge of my eye. I knew it was you. But that silhouette of you was enough. It opened a flood of memories.

You mean everything to me. And how I wanted that to be wrong but it is not. I tried everything to get over you. I tried to hate you… to ignore you… to deny you… to forget you… But all that are lies. And no amount of lies can ever conceal the pure and simple truth that I love you. That despite every pain, every ache, every tear that I shed… I still love you. Pathetic? Never. It is never a sin to love. It is never wrong to feel.

My friends tell me to forget about it and I would nod in agreement. But here I am finding myself thinking about you. Why can’t I forget you? Why don’t I want to? Please tell me they are wrong. Please tell that I should not forget about you…

There was a time… there was a night that I prayed would never end… when I just drowned in your eyes and I held you in my arms. There was a night that I never would have said goodbye to you. You may not remember it, but for me, that was everything. That was the night you told me to never leave your side. And for some reason… I never did. I’m still here. A bit farther away… but still here…

I know for you this is just a silly letter. This is inconsequential. But I write it nonetheless hoping that you would not think so. I write it hoping that you would remember that somewhere in this world… beyond what you know, what you see, and what you believe… there is a guy who loves you with no agenda and no expectations. That he is just there hoping you will remember that once in your life, you did know how to love him. That once in your life, you did love.

Still yours,
__________

Doubting Thomas

2006-05-18T00:37:00.000-07:00

How could you doubt me?
You who knew everything about me…
My strengths… my weaknesses…
My goals… my fears…
My potentials… my limitations…
My dreams and even my frustrations.
The only person who has seen through me…
How could you doubt me?

Now, you owe me a night of inebriety.

Cheesecake Land

2006-05-17T09:41:00.000-07:00

I am not gonna lie, I am still in love with her. There’s still a part of me that hopes that it’s not just friendship she’s offering.
That one day, everything will be as I imagine it when I daydream
That I will be the one… the last one…the only one

However, fact of the matter is, we’re just friends. Not even close friends.
So, whenever my stupid heart persists that there is more to her words or acts….
That there is something to be read between the lines….
I remember what my friend said, “Get out of cheesecakeland!”

Harsh…but it’s what I need.
Follow her advice
She means well.

But still… why am I willing to face the torture of going through all these uncertainties?
Because the torture is nothing compared to the happiness I feel... with every message… every moment…every smile…

“Hindi naman masama magkamali, kasi nga tayo bata.”

2006-05-16T21:02:00.000-07:00

Its not wrong to make mistakes, because we are young….

Tonight, as usual, another moment of inebriety. A lot of thoughts come to mind. Future goals, past loves, present complications. What’s a guy to do?

Future goals… well, they can wait.

Past loves… ain’t nothing we can do about it.

Present complications… now that’s fun. Let’s talk about that.

Tipsy A: I don’t have any complications.

Tipsy J: Dude, you have too many complications you are a walking excessive entanglement.

Tipsy A: Tssk….

Tipsy J: Denial.

Tipsy A: Don’t worry too much about the present. “Hindi naman masama magkamali,
kasi nga tayo bata.”

Tipsy J:eh, paano kung sa mga mali natin, may mga nasasaktan? (what about if, in our mistakes, other people get hurt?)

Tipsy A; Part of the learning process, I guess. There’s never an assurance that you’ll never get hurt. There’s always that possibility. There’s never an assurance that people won’t get hurt, the thing is, there is also no assurance that you won’t be that person.

Tipsy J: How true… and how sad.

Dating the Ex of Your Close Friend

2006-05-15T01:54:00.000-07:00

Is it morally sound? Is it socially acceptable? Will it affect your friendship?

Medjo weird, diba? Awkward moment? Definitely. So, pwede ba? Can you?

Just how close are you?

The answers after tonight's drinking session.

Welcome Drunken Souls

2006-05-15T01:34:00.000-07:00

Hello reader. Welcome to Before Inebriety. This is a joint blog between two friends who go through their lives with a bit of beer in their hands and a smile on their cheeks. We will be posting here our theories and discussions about the universe and its most complicated beings - women. Caveat - these discussions are conducted in an environment of intoxication.

Hopefully we can still recall those brilliant conversations with our dear patron saint, San Miguel, so we will be able to share it with you.

Cheers!